With our last move, we’ve officially become B.C. residents. We finally switched over our driver’s licenses, truck registration and insurance, health care, and all the rest. While staying here has its perks (nice weather, good community), it also means long-distance grandparents.
Perhaps it was inevitable that after completing our degrees here we’d end up staying here. When we first applied to UVic, we planned to come for school and go back for work. When university ended without a job immediately in sight, it seemed easiest just to move locally until we had a bigger reason to move further.
However, most of our immediate family is back in Alberta, 14-18 hours drive away (depending on who is driving). We phone, Skype and email regularly, but it’s not the same as seeing them.
When we first got married, we lived half an hour away from both our parents. It was easy to pop over to one house or the other after church or after work. Then we moved away for my husband’s first job, and after a year decided we wanted to be closer to family again. We moved back to within half an hour of my in-laws. When I went back to work, Sunshine was able to spend lots of time with Grandma. Until my husband began looking at going back to school. UVic offered programs we couldn’t find in Alberta. We hoed and hummed, rationalized, moved.
Sometimes, when my friends mention dropping their kids off with their mom or mother-in-law, I wish I also had such free, convenient babysitting. More than that, however, I want my daughters to have a relationship with their grandparents that’s more than just seeing them twice a year.
I grew up three hours away from my dad’s parents, so we saw them several times a year. My mom grew up in Ontario, however, so we rarely saw her family. My relationship with my great-aunt and my step-grandma developed by handwritten letters.
I also feel that while big things tend to get shared in a long-distance relationship, the small things don’t. It’s those moments of just hanging out together and letting the silence settle that get lost. Reading bedtime stories. Deciding, on a whim, to go for a walk and pick flowers together.
Last time my mother-in-law visited, she was puttering around my kitchen muttering to herself. After a few minutes, she asked, “Am I bothering you with my muttering?” I laughed, because I’m the same way, and said, “Nope. Does my muttering bother you?”
So, while we’ve become like so many other people who’ve moved to live closer to school or work, I still regret moving so far away from our parents. It’s a sad statistic that only “only 33% of adults with children cited proximity to family members as an important factor when searching for a home” (from “Recent Study Shows the Importance of a Mother’s Touch“). For now, a local job for my husband at least means more vacation time and money to travel back to visit grandparents.
Do you live close to your grandparents/parents?
9 Comments
Being so far from my parent’s/son’s grandparents has been the hardest part of moving. 🙁
Ugh. When I first got married, I loved that my parents and in-laws were 45 minutes away — close, but not TOO close, and I could see them regularly.
With a kid, I SO wish they were closer. The things you learn….
I feel for you, Bonnie. I would find that very hard living so far away from my parents. I’ve always lived in the same city as them – they even moved to be close to me now. I am so grateful for that. I always lived within a couple of hours of my Nana and got to see her regularly. It’s so sad that so many kids today grow up so far from grandparents, aunts and uncles, but that is just the way life is it seems. Most of my nieces and nephews live in the US now and I’m lucky if I see them once a year 🙁
You are definitely blessed to have your parents close and even your nana. You’re right it’s sad that families are getting so scattered these days. My daughters love seeing their cousins as much as their grandparents… but they are equally far away.
Growing up I saw my Nana all the time, for dinners once a week, shopping trips and over night visits. Now my boys are growing and my parents live five minutes from me. While babysitting is out of the question due their health, they come over at least four times a week, see the kids, we have dinners together, go back to school shopping and more. It’s so important. But relationships can be had with effort and technology does make it easier, but you are right it’s not the same. Hubby’s mom lives in PG and we see her twice a year if we are lucky. 🙁
That’s awesome you can see your parents so often! And so good for your kids. The babysitting doesn’t matter (it’s a fun chance for the kids to hang out with Grandpa and Grandma) as much as just spending time together. 🙂
Growing up my grandparents were several provinces away. We got to see them in the summer for two weeks and we cherished that time. Now that my parents are grandparents and live only an hour and a half away I have told them they can not move back to Nova Scotia. I think I would miss them more then anyone else 🙁
My mom is minutes away from us and I am so grateful for this. I think it would be so difficult to be far away from her. She is a huge support and spends so much time with my kids. Being far from your family must be difficult!
I moved away from my Mom and then when she got older she moved here to a retirement home after a brief hospital stay here. I can tell you I wish we had had her here for longer. I miss her. It was a great two years that she lived near us. The kids could walk over and meet her and say hi every night if they wanted to. It is hard to live far from parents especially when they get older and they need you.