Thousands of couples every year go through a divorce. Are you going through one right now?
Even the most amicable divorces can be incredibly stressful, and once the dust has cleared, it can be difficult to rebuild. How can you take your life back and return to normalcy after such a traumatic event? Here are some tips to start recovering and rebuilding your life after divorce. Read on to learn more.
Protect Yourself Legally
In most cases, once your divorce is over, you won’t need much in the way of legal protection. With that in mind, contentious divorces or divorces with special circumstances (including large income disparities, children, or both) may continue presenting legal complications for the foreseeable future.
If you’re lucky, you’ll be able to familiarize yourself with the state laws and talk these things through with your former spouse and you won’t need to involve any outside parties. If not, consider getting a family lawyer or spousal support attorney over in San Diego to help you navigate the complicated legal issues surrounding dissolving a marriage. They’ll make sure that you and your former partner are being treated fairly according to the laws of California.
Of course, family and divorce laws vary by state and country. Pick a lawyer who understands the laws of your home state.
Consider Counseling or Therapy
Don’t underestimate the value of counseling and therapy. A divorce is a traumatic event. It’s a major loss, even if both parties wanted it. Just as your marriage changed your entire life, so will its ending. Because of this, it makes sense that someone would struggle and require professional mental health help afterward.
There are therapists who specialize in treating patients post-divorce. They can help you work through your own hang-ups, improve your confidence, and teach you helpful coping skills that you can use to self-regulate when everything is “too much.”
Consider a Support Group
Support groups aren’t for everyone, but if feel like no one in your friend group understands your situation, a support group might be the answer. There are generic support groups for people healing from divorce as well as more specific support groups for people who experienced abuse, infidelity, and other relationship-related problems. Pick one that makes the most sense for your situation.
A few places to get started include:
A support group will help you remember you’re not alone even if your situation is lonely.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is crucial for anyone going through a divorce. Make sure you’re taking good care of yourself while you heal.
But what does self-care look like? Well, it depends. Self-care is all about doing what you have to do in order to self-regulate, feel calm, and improve your mood as long as it doesn’t interfere with your day-to-day life.
For some people, that means having a spa day once per month, eating well, and exercising. For others, it may mean journaling and praying. Take time to think about what helps to fill your emotional bucket and rejuvenate you so that you are more able to be present to your family and other commitments. Then schedule some time each week (and even each day) to do those things.
Self-care can feel selfish if you’re not used to it, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. When you participate in self-care, you’re better able to show up for the people around you and yourself. You don’t want to burn yourself out due to the stress of your divorce.
It may help you to read stories about other women who are moving on after their divorces, such as Miracle at the Higher Grounds Cafe or Becoming Mrs. Lewis. Although fiction, these novels can help you think about your own life and choices and what you want to do next.
Stay Social
It’s common for people to withdraw from their social groups after a divorce. Divorce is exhausting and you may feel like your social battery is drained. Some people even experience embarrassment or shame after a divorce which causes them to no longer want to socialize.
You should try to stay in touch with your friends as much as possible. If you and your former spouse have mutual friends, this may be difficult. Remember your friends don’t have to choose a side if they don’t want to, and many of them will likely still be happy to support you and hang out. If you find your friends are judgmental or unsupportive of your new life, you may have to set boundaries and move on.
This may also be a good opportunity to make new friends as a single person. If you’ve been married for a long time, it can be hard to adjust to going to events without a partner. Start with smaller groups (such as the above support groups) or shared interests such as sports or volunteering.
The longer you self-isolate, the harder it is to go back to normal socialization. Try to be consistent!
Take Up a New Hobby
Are you feeling restless after your divorce? Now that you don’t have a partner to spend time with, you may find it hard to know what to do with yourself.
Taking up a new hobby is a great way to use all of that energy for something productive. It’s likely that you have some spare time to fill, so use it wisely. Hobbies are enjoyable and they’ll help you feel like something worthwhile emerged from the divorce. Building a new skill will also improve your self-esteem.
Hobbies can be creative, fitness-oriented, and so much more. Consider taking up rock climbing, painting, writing, cooking, or one of the thousands of other skills you’ve never had time to try before.
Avoid Rushing into a New Relationship
For many people, the last thing on their minds right after divorce is a new relationship. Others, however, want to hop right back into the dating game right away.
There’s nothing wrong with dating immediately, but keep in mind that you’re in a vulnerable place and you’re likely not your most rational. If you choose to go on dates, try not to head right into an actual relationship. You’re putting yourself and that other person at risk.
Socializing and getting dating experience is helpful, but don’t jump into anything you’re not ready for. Make sure to practice good boundaries and continue seeing a therapist if you choose to date.
Focus on Family
If you have children with your former spouse, make sure you’re spending time with them. Divorce is tough on kids, even if the parents are amicable. You want to let the children know that they’re not to blame for what’s going on.
Make sure you’re maintaining normalcy for them as much as possible. They’re dealing with a lot of changes and if you can maintain a normal schedule at home, normal meals, and normal activities, it will help.
Rebuilding a Life After Divorce Is Tough
No one ever said that rebuilding a life after divorce would be easy. These tips will help you get your life back on track so you can return to normalcy and start focusing on your own personal growth again.
Divorce isn’t the end. It’s the beginning of something new. Take time to recover and rebuild your life after divorce.
Are you looking for more helpful tips about relationships and family? Don’t forget to check out the rest of my blog!
No Responses Yet