As I’ve prepared for this birth by reading, writing, and thinking, I’ve come to realize that I have a long list of things that I don’t want to happen during labour. I don’t want any electronic fetal monitoring or vaginal examinations. I don’t want an epidural (or any other pain relief) or an episiotomy. I don’t want to receive IV treatment for GBS. I don’t want to deliver laying flat on my back. I don’t want a shot of oxytocin after the baby comes and I don’t want the placenta to be pulled out of my body. I don’t want the cord cut immediately and I don’t want the baby to receive eye drops or to be taken away from me for very long.
More than that, I don’t want to be confined to a tiny, strange room; to be examined, poked and prodded by strange people; to be told that such things must happen within such time limits. I don’t want more people than necessary at the birth, and when I think of a doula, on top of the doctor and nurse who’ll already be there, I think “no.” That’s another stranger, another person peering at me, another person within my space.
Birth is a private, intimate experience. In the latter stages of my first labour, I pulled into myself, into a dark place in my head where I could ignore the strangers around me, the ignominy of being naked and exposed, and simply focus on my body and my baby.
I gave birth to Sunshine flat on my back, despite the fact that in the months and days leading up to that birth, I thought that squatting would be the best position. When the time came, however, the midwife said “lay down” and I did. As I think about that, I realize that I dislike questioning authority. I’m used to doing as I’m told. So that even when I toured this hospital, with the intention of grilling staff to see if they would agree to all the things that I didn’t want to happen in this birth, I found myself unable to ask those questions.
I did finally meet Dr. O and she seems very nice—young, black, female. She shuddered when I mentioned episiotomies, reluctantly agreed to let me birth in any position I wanted (she said if I lay flat on my back, it’s easiest for her; I don’t really care what’s easiest for her—I’m the one pushing this baby out and laying flat on my back is NOT easiest for me), but was a bit more hesitant about avoiding the oxytocin shot (why are doctors so reluctant to let things happen naturally and to intervene only if necessary?).
When I think of the hospital, I think of all the things that I must fight for in order to have the birth experience that I want—the birth that I feel is best for both myself and my baby. And I know two things: number one, fighting is not going to help labour go well, and number two, I won’t fight. “Don’t rock the boat” is too ingrained in me and labour is not the time to be trying to explain to the doctor or nurses that in my research I found that… and thus I want…
So what do I want? I want to give birth in a quiet, comfortable place, where I can be relaxed and at peace instead of fearful or pressured; I want to trust my body and its ability to do what God created it to do to bring this baby into the world; I want to be free to labour wherever and in whatever position feels right at the time, and to deliver in whatever position feels right; and I want to catch my baby, to be the first to touch and hold him or her.
That’s what I want from this birth.
6 Comments
Krista, cutting the cord produces more blood than leaving it alone. The sooner you cut the cord, the more blood too.
KBW — you already know what I’m going to say, so I won’t bother saying it. However, I will point out that without VEs and EFM the hospital staff can’t tell if something’s going “wrong” any better than you can. Just another thing to consider (nudge nudge wink wink).
Krista – if you follow the link you’ll see an article I wrote based on my research of EFM; I think in a normal, natural labour, it’s unnecessary. I know that I’m progressing whether or not the doctor sticks their hand up there to say that I am, though I doubt I’ll be able to talk them out of checking.
We will cut the cord, I’ve just found research suggesting it’s better to delay cutting it until after the placenta is delivered or until the cord has stopped pulsing with blood.
The eyedrops are to protect the baby against STDs, which I find unncessary because a) around here the mom is always tested for that during her pregnancy and b) my hubby and I know that that’s not a problem anyways.
I’ve just found with both of my pregnancies that I have to ask a lot of questions and do a lot of reading, because the doctor doesn’t have time to give me all the information I want. And this pregnancy, I’m really starting to question some “routine” hospital practices that I don’t think are needed.
Carol – I’d love a homebirth, but can’t get a midwife (Alberta introduced funding for midwives and now they are very popular). My hubby is a good advocate, so I’m trying to share all my research with him so that we’re on the same page about what we want when we get there. 🙂
I’m with you, KBW. And take it from me, mother of six, sounds like you want a home birth. I’ve run the gamut of locations and attendants. My third was at home…it was beautiful. But my best advice is…if you have trouble speaking up for yourself, have someone there that will do it for you. A very strong person–can be a friend or relative–that will not be intimidated by authority and will say, “She does not want that.”
I think it’s great that we can all have our own preferences, and I do think they need to listen to us!
I want electronic fetal monitoring, and I do like (okay tolerate) the exams to know how I’m progressing. I’m an information freak… the more I know the better I can cope with things. I do receive the IV for the GBS because I tested positive for it with one baby, and I’d rather be on the safe side. I delivered all 3 laying flat and while labor is no picnic regardless, my pushing was fast with each of them so it worked.
I don’t know if I had the oxytocin shot or not, don’t remember to be honest. I always delivered the placenta on my own soon after baby came out, so no pulling was ever needed.
Please PLEASE cut the cord (by Daddy) after baby is born… there are some things this non-blood loving momma doesn’t want to see! I have issues cleaning the stub, much less dealing with the whole thing for any length of time!
if baby needs eyedrops, go for it. I DO like to hold and bond with baby right after she’s born, and they’ve always let me except with my first (I was having other issues and couldn’t hold her well myself for a good hour)
i’ve always had good hospital rooms that were roomy enough, they’ve always consulted me about time limits. Towards the end, to be honest, I really don’t notice who’s in the room so whatever! I get in a “krista’s gonna push the baby out NOW” zone where I just don’t care!
I do have the episiotomy… although baby #3 came before they could do it so I tore.. OUCH OUCH OUCH! I hurt more with her than the first two afterwards!
However, I don’t do epidurals. A needle in my back is NOT okay with me so it isn’t gonna happen! I do however LOVE the IV stuff so bring it on. However, again, with Baby #3… I had none because she came too fast so it was too late by the time I asked for some. THAT made me not happy!
Baby #4, I don’t know yet. I’ll put much of my care in doctor’s hands, as long as I’m educated first, because of her heart condition.
Sorry, long comment:-) But I agree, I think as women we should be able to choose our own birthing experiences…
Emily – a friend told me that in her research she found that post-partum hemorage happens in 7% of women; the oxytocin shot reduces it to 5%. So we’re giving every labouring woman a shot to reduce PPH by 2%? Sounds like a way for doctors to make money by giving more drugs.
Yes, I am so glad I refused the “routine” shot of oxytocin. Now I know that my uterus contracts just fine, and after a completely unmedicated birth I had nothing to interfere with the natural hormones going through my body. If you need it, that’s another story, but how many women have gone through childbirth through the ages and done just fine???