Yesterday, I was supposed to have a prenatal appointment with Dr. O., the doctor who’ll be assisting me in childbirth. I was excited to finally meet her, to ask questions and make sure she’ll meet my expectations for a natural childbirth. Sunshine and I were up early and out the door on time to find the clinic. Then the car wouldn’t start. We forgot to plug it in the night before, and our wimply little diesel thinks that the spring weather is still too cold. When my attempts to start it began killing the battery, I gave up.
I went back inside and called my regular doctor, Dr. B, to get a phone number for Dr. O. Then I called Dr. O’s office to let her know I wouldn’t make the appointment. The receptionist said, “Okay, we’ll take you off the list. Thanks.” No offer to rebook the appointment from either doctor’s office.
Rather disgruntled by both offices, I began to think more seriously about Nat’s suggestion to freebirth. Like any modern mom, I googled it. There weren’t many results. I read a couple articles and found myself agreeing with what the women said. One lady commented that her husband “views birth differently now, less like a medical emergency and more like a simple, normal, natural life event.” Which is exactly what it is.
In another more newsy article on freebirth, the author reports that a British doctor “has reacted angrily to growing interest in freebirth, saying babies born this way should have a right to legal recourse later in life. He says ‘giving birth is the most dangerous thing that most woman will do during their life.'” I almost laughed at that. I can think of a few things I’ve done that were more dangerous than birthing my daughter.
Further in the article, another lady says, “I can’t claim to know why they feel this way, but my belief is that the majority of them — doctors and health authorities — truly do not think women are intellectually capable of making their own decisions when it comes to birth.” Again, I laughed. I aced a university degree and graduated top of my class, but I’m not capable of making choices about birthing my children? Yeah right. I know a variety of women who’ve made a variety of birthing choices in a variety situations, and I wouldn’t say that any of them (or any of their husbands) were “intellectually incapable” of making the best choice for themselves and their babies.
When I expressed my disgruntlement to my husband, he—ever the practical one—suggested that perhaps I was overreacting slightly and should just call to rebook the appointment. So I did that this morning. I now have a prenatal appointment with Dr. O for the end of this month, one week before the baby is due, because she’s so booked up that I couldn’t get an appointment any sooner.
I also called Dr. B’s office to let them know that I haven’t had a prenatal appointment in over a month and won’t be having one for about another three weeks. However, she is also booked up until the end of the month. So for the last two months of my pregnancy, I’ll have one prenatal visit. At this point in my pregnancy with Sunshine, I was seeing my midwife twice a week.
I’m just a little bit frustrated here.
7 Comments
Oh my goodness! I am actually livid for you that you can’t get a single prenatal appointment, and yet they are preaching to you about the dangerousness of going it on your own! The whole thing is really annoying. I am lucky to have a midwife this time around, but even so, I’m not pumped about the idea of driving 45 minutes while in labour to get to the birthing centre. Still, the whole thing is a bit ridiculous, and given the current state of things, sounds like you may have to fight a little for the birth you want come labour time. Get a doula at least!
Nat – don’t apologize, as I appreciate your thoughts and support, especially with what you’ve shared of your experiences. I agree with you that a woman’s body is made for this and that I could do it on my own. Something in me still likes the security and convenience of the hospital, however. So I’m still debating. 🙂
WriterMom – Sunshine was born in another hospital, before we moved. I tried every midwife in the area for this birth and all were booked up and couldn’t take me on. Midwives are in high demand now that they are fully funded by the government. I loved my first midwife and was very disappointed not to get one for this birth – especially with the way things have turned out with the doctor/hospital situation around here.
Was your midwife not available this time around? I had a midwife for both of my babies and loved the experience. So much better than nameless, faceless OB’s who make you wait forever. Loved, loved, loved the midwife route. Good luck!
I get what you’re saying about preparation. I would never suggest a freebirther doesn’t need to be well prepared — quite the contrary in fact. However, the big problem with the marathon analogy is this: Birth is a natural biological function of the adult female body, and a marathon is not. Birth is, in fact, THE primary biological function for which the female body was created and the female body, even when “inactive”, can perform that function alone. Granted, “active” women are more likely to have quicker and easier births, as Exodus 1:14 and 19 can attest. But how much extra time does your farming relative give his inactive cows before he intervenes? A long labour doesn’t mean a problematic labour. It just means the support team needs the emotional stamina to encourage the birthing woman without fear or undermining her self-confidence by saying stuff like “I think you should go to the hospital now”. An unhindered woman will know when she needs help and will call for it. The support people just need to trust her.
Birth, regardless of location, is about the mother calling the shots. This includes who she chooses to have as her support and indeed whether she has any support people at all. If the support people can’t handle that, they shouldn’t be there, whether they’re a midwife, an obstetrician, a doula, a husband or a random passerby.
Anyway KBW — sorry I’m getting on my high horse in your birthspace. It just seems to me that right now your options are: Have a standard intervention-ridden hospital birth, fight for a natural hospital birth, or stay home and have an unhindered birth on your own terms. I’m pretty sure I know which one you want, so I’m feeling compelled to advocate for it. You can always call an ambulance IF it becomes obvious you need it, right?
One of my favorite quotes that get me into trouble is from a doctor comparing the natural birthing of babies to the natural calving of cows. If a cow can do it without help why do we think women need major intervention?
I mentioned it to a farming relative and he commented on how fit cows don’t need their calves pulled as often as inactive animals.
Without trying to offend anyone, if you look at societal trends towards inactivity I’m not surprised many need help. I know I wouldn’t have the stamina for some of the labour stories friends have related. From the same doctor as before, if you knew you were going to be forced to run a marathon 9 months from now would you prepare? And what effect do you think preparation will have on the experience?
I’m glad that for any birth situation that if one is prepared it can be natural and worry free. I’m also glad that we have learnt ways to aid and intervene when necessary. For some I know they wish the interventions they experienced were not necessary and their birth experience might have been one of the most dangerous medical experiences of their lives. I wouldn’t want to devalue a woman’s experience wherever she fits along the spectrum of possiblities.
I find it falls to finding balance between the expectations and preparatory work of the mother and her doctor/midwife/doula/? I like the term Birth Team. You need a good organization where the mom and her support are prepared physically, emotionally, and intellectually. You also need a common plan, vision, and goal.
If things go as planned much to celebrate. More importantly, if something unexpected occurs and the team is there with the right knowledge, skills, and environment to allow mom and baby to be come through the experience positively that’s perhaps more to celebrate over. I just find celebrations are usually better when the team has prepared together and developed a good rapport as opposed to a bunch of individuals being together for a single event.
It’s a shame how our medical system can work against the possibility of that rapport developing between the difeerent parties involved in a birth experience.
Nat – umhum. About my thoughts exactly. I’ll get my hubby to check for the heartbeat. 🙂 Baby is kicking lots and I know we’re both healthy and fine. So you’re probably right, the checkups are unnecessary. I’m just ticked off at how I’m getting treated over this – since, as you say, the doctor set the standards of checkups and now is too busy to even provide them. I am seriously considering what other options are open to me…
Ha! You’re this close to giving birth but the doctor can’t see you for a month? (And yet birth is a highly dangerous activity about which you aren’t really capable of making your own decisions. *snort*) What. Ever. I think this tells you something about her level of respect for you personally and your desires for this birth. I’m sorry you’re having to put up with this sort of thing at this point of your pregnancy. Can hubby listen to your baby’s heartbeat with the naked ear? (Or I’ve heard that an empty toilet paper roll does a great job of amplifying the sound.) If so (and even if not), and you’re feeling fine and babe is kicking as per normal, you probably don’t actually need any check ups right now anyway.
Thinking of you as your time draws closer, and wishing you the strength to make the best decisions for yourself, whatever they may be.