“Love” is a word that is frequently used in today’s world, and yet seems to be little understood. I might talk about a book I loved reading or a place I loved visiting. Then I might say I love my daughters. We watch as celebrities fall in love and then fall out of love. We might have even seen that happen within our own families or circles of friends, or in our own relationships. So what is love? And why are we so obsessed with it finding it?
A Beautiful Life: Discovering the Freedom of Selfless Love
That’s the topic of Kerry Clarensau’s new book A Beautiful Life: Discovering the Freedom of Selfless Love. While Kerry’s book is about relationships in general, and not just the relationship between a husband and wife, I found her book to be eye-opening.
This post contains affiliate links; as an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. I received this book for review courtesy of the publicist; all opinions expressed are my own.
Kerry begins by talking about how we were created for love and for relationships. She says, “You function best when you are loving and being loved” and uses Scripture and scientific research to back that up. Then she goes on to show that love is not optional—God is love and calls us to love. In fact, the way we love others reveals our love for God, as we see in the oft-told story of the Good Samaritan.
“I’m a parent. And being a parent, I know the fastest way to love me is to love my children. I also know the fastest way to make me angry is to mistreat my children. … I think God feels the same. I believe all of us need to think more carefully about how we treat God’s children.” ~ A Beautiful Life
Too often, however, we treat love as a feeling, especially within family. We’re only loving if we “feel” like it. And I can say (as I’m sure you can), that there are lots of times when I haven’t felt like loving my kids. However, that’s precisely when God calls us to love them—to make love an action, rather than a feeling. As Kerry explains,
“Consider the positive cycle you could set in motion by choosing to act in a loving way, even when you didn’t feel like it. Let’s say you have a conflict with your husband. Both of you walk away from the conflict with negative feelings toward each other that lead to more negative thoughts. … If both of you respond to your negative feelings about each other by acting in negative ways, you’ll add fuel to the fire of those negative feelings, and the conflict can last a lifetime.
On the other hand, what if you choose to act in a way that’s counter-intuitive and counter-cultural? What if you choose to do the opposite of what you feel? Maybe he is being unreasonable and insensitive, but you choose to act loving toward him anyway (trust me, I know that’s hard). Suddenly, his feelings toward you change, which changes his thoughts about you, which changes his actions. Now you’re fueling the fire of positive feelings, rather than negative ones!” ~ A Beautiful Life
Kerry is honest throughout her book about some of her own struggles to love others and how God taught her through His Word about how He wants us, as His children, to love those around us. She shares Scriptures and stories from other women to illustrate what she’s talking about. She talks about loving those who are hard to love (and how it’s often hardest to love those who are closest to us, like our spouses) and yet also shows the rewards that come when we do demonstrate selfless love.
“But when we do everything we can, with what we have, for those in need—especially those closest to us—our marriages change, our relationships thrive, the walls fall down, and we feel more alive, beautifully alive!” ~ A Beautiful Life
I don’t know about you, but I want that! I want a beautiful life. And in this book, Kerry gives me the tools to create that life for myself. Each chapter is short, so it’s easy to sit down for five or ten minutes at the beginning or end of the day to read and reflect on loving. Each section in the book ends with discussion questions to journal or talk about, as well as a personal challenge to apply the principles Kerry has shared.
More about Kerry Clarensau
Kerry Clarensau is a wife, mom, grandma, credentialed minister, author and international speaker. You can find out more about her and her other books (including several marriage resources) by following her on Facebook, Twitter or Pinterest.
One Response
Bonnie,
I think that there is so much wisdom shared here in your review and in the book you are sharing. One thing that stood out to me is that if we love those in our lives we are in essence loving ourselves. Sometimes it is those who are closest to us who are the unlovable and it makes it even harder to do this loving for loving. 😉 Thanks for sharing!
Blessings,
Dawn