One of my worries with living up north was the fact that my options for childbirth were limited to the local hospital. There were no midwives there. When we moved back to a small town near Calgary, Alberta, I was excited that we were once again close enough to a major centre to access the services of a midwife. So, shortly after finding out for sure that we were pregnant with our second baby, I asked a friend for the name and number of her midwife.
Prenatal Care in Alberta
What I found out was that I’d waited too long. Now that the government had fully funded midwives in Alberta, the midwives were busy. I should have been looking up midwives the day I suspected I was pregnant. I called every midwife in the area and got the same response: booked up for May, will put you on our waiting list.
A little chagrined at missing out on the midwife, I went in for an appointment with a local doctor. I liked her. She was friendly, flashed me a smile when I said I’d only gained twenty pounds in my last pregnancy, suggested that because I’m a twin I should go for an ultrasound to make sure I’m not carrying twins but then listened when I said I’d prefer not to have an ultrasound. I felt comfortable with her, yet still, the appointment felt rushed.
One thing I was not impressed about is that our local hospital (a block away from where we live) didn’t deliver babies. Instead, when I went into labour, I would be going to the hospital in the next town over (fifteen minutes away) to have the baby delivered by whatever doctor is on call. Doctors in that town weren’t taking new patients, so it was not even worth it to try to get one of them for my prenatal care on the off chance that when I went into labour, he or she would be the one on call.
Switching Prenatal Care
My local doctor continued to give me prenatal care for most of my pregnancy. One month before my due date, I was supposed to transfer care to Dr. O, who would be assisting me in childbirth. I was excited to finally meet her, to ask questions and make sure she’ll meet my expectations for a natural childbirth. Sunshine and I were up early and out the door on time to find the clinic. Then the car wouldn’t start. We forgot to plug it in the night before, and our wimpy little diesel thinks that the spring weather is still too cold. When my attempts to start it began killing the battery, I gave up.
I went back inside and called Dr. O’s office to let her know I wouldn’t make the appointment. The receptionist said, “Okay, we’ll take you off the list. Thanks.” No offer to rebook the appointment. I spent a morning researching birthing options and wishing again that the hospital across the street would allow me to birth there or that there were more midwives in the province. Finally, I called Dr. O’s office back to book a prenatal appointment with Dr. O one week before the baby is due, because she was so booked up that I couldn’t get an appointment any sooner.
I also called Dr. B’s office to let them know that I hadn’t had a prenatal appointment in over a month and won’t be having one for about another three weeks. However, she was also booked up until the end of the month. So for the last two months of my pregnancy, I’ll have one prenatal visit. At this point in my pregnancy with Sunshine, I was seeing my midwife twice a week. Prenatal care in Alberta leaves a lot to be desired.
Thoughts about Birth
As I’ve prepared for this birth by reading, writing, and thinking, I’ve come to realize that I have a long list of things that I don’t want to happen during labour. I don’t want any electronic fetal monitoring or vaginal examinations. I don’t want an epidural or an episiotomy. I don’t want to receive IV treatment for GBS. I don’t want to deliver laying flat on my back. I don’t want the baby to be taken away from me for very long.
More than that, I don’t want to be confined to a tiny, strange room; to be examined, poked and prodded by strange people; to be told that such things must happen within such time limits. I don’t want more people than necessary at the birth, and when I think of a doula, on top of the doctor and nurse who’ll already be there, I think “no.” That’s another stranger, another person peering at me, another person within my space.
Birth is a private, intimate experience. In the latter stages of my first labour, I pulled into myself, into a quiet place in my head where I could ignore the strangers around me, the ignominy of being naked and exposed, and simply focus on my body and my baby.
I gave birth to Sunshine flat on my back, despite the fact that in the months and days leading up to that birth, I thought squatting would be the best position. When the time came, however, the midwife said “lay down” and I did. As I think about that, I realize I dislike questioning authority. I’m used to doing as I’m told. So even when I toured the hospital, with the intention of grilling staff to see if they would agree to all the things that I didn’t want to happen in this birth, I found myself unable to ask those questions.
When I did finally Dr. O, she seemed very nice—young, black, female. She shuddered when I mentioned episiotomies, reluctantly agreed to let me birth in any position I wanted (she said if I lay flat on my back, it’s easiest for her; I don’t really care what’s easiest for her—I’m the one pushing this baby out and laying flat on my back is NOT easiest for me), but refused to agree to not treating my GBS.
When I think of the hospital, I think of all the things that I must fight for in order to have the birth experience that I want—the birth that I feel is best for both myself and my baby. And I know two things: number one, fighting is not going to help labour go well, and number two, I won’t fight. “Don’t rock the boat” is too ingrained in me and labour is not the time to be trying to explain to the doctor or nurses that in my research I found that… and thus I want…
I want to give birth in a quiet, comfortable place, where I can be relaxed and at peace instead of fearful or pressured; I want to trust my body and its ability to do what God created it to do to bring this baby into the world; I want to be free to labour wherever and in whatever position feels right at the time, and to deliver in whatever position feels right; and I want to catch my baby, to be the first to touch and hold him or her.
That’s what I want from this birth.
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