This is a guest post from Teresa Sedlmair, a certified paediatric sleep consultant. Teresa is the owner of Little Trees Sleep Consulting and mom to two little girls ages 3 and 5 named Hazel and Maple. She has supported hundreds of families with children ages newborn to 6 years old to help them feel well-rested again. Here, she shares her tips for helping older children establish good sleeping habits.
Many people associate long, sleepless nights with the infant stage, but for many families, sleep issues can continue for years, until a child is in Kindergarten or beyond. There is a common belief that sleep habits and issues will resolve on their own as children grow older and while for some this is true, it is not always necessarily the case.
In my experience, the majority of sleep issues require some deliberate parental guidance and strategies to resolve. The first year of life is when foundational sleep habits are generally formed. I find that whatever sleep habits a baby has by the their first birthday are the ones that are going to continue throughout their toddlerhood, unless deliberate changes are made.
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How Much Sleep Do School-Aged Children Need?
According to the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, children aged 5–12 years should get 9–12 hours of sleep per night. Kindergarteners (or 5 year olds) will be on the higher end of this recommendation, usually needing closer to 11 hours. To put this in context, a child who needs to be up at 7 am to get to school in the morning will need to be in bed by 8 pm the night before.
The earlier sleep issues are addressed, the better. Lack of sleep can lead to trouble with concentration, moodiness, weakened immunity, and even behaviour challenges. On the flip side, well-rested kids tend to be more focused, resilient, and ready to learn. Children are learning and developing at a rapid rate for the first 5 years of life. As well, the expectations around self-regulation increase dramatically when a child begins school. A lack of sleep makes emotional and physically regulation much more difficult which can hinder success at school.
What Are the Most Common Sleep Challenges in Older Children?
It’s normal for school-aged children to test bedtime boundaries or have an increasing awareness of fears related to the night. Sometimes this can also be due to separation anxiety after being away from their parents all day while being at school.
Sleep onset difficulties are the most common of all of these. If your child is taking two or more hours to fall asleep, this is cutting into valuable, restorative rest for your child (and you) and is also an exhausting way to end the day. Most children will still wake up around the same time in the morning despite a late bedtime or also need to be up early if they go to school, therefore decreasing night sleep substantially.
Delaying bedtime: Kids may resist winding down. They might stall and delay bedtime by making multiple requests and testing boundaries. This can also be due to an inappropriate sleep schedule or asserting independence.
Nighttime anxiety: Fears about the dark, monsters, or having separation anxiety from parents can present itself.
Sleep disruptions from screens: Evening screen time can interfere with the body’s natural sleep rhythm and can be under and overstimulating at the same time.
Lack of independent sleep skills: Children don’t know how to fall asleep by themselves and need parental presence to fall and stay asleep. This can reinforce delaying bedtime and wakings when coming out of sleep cycles at night.
Tips for Creating Healthy Sleep Habits
The good news is, if your children is school aged and is still struggling to fall and stay asleep, it is never too late to make a change! I truly believe that every child is capable of sleeping well. They just need the right strategies and firm boundaries that are consistently and lovingly reinforced by their parents.
Our children want and need us to be the “sturdy” leaders (to quote Dr. Becky from Good Inside). Yes, children come with their own temperaments and personalities but we cannot underestimate the influence that we have as parents to guide them towards changes and better habits. By creating consistent boundaries, we are also promoting a positive relationship around sleep. It does not have to be something to resist but rather is something that makes us feel good and healthy.
Here are my go-to tips for resolving sleep issues for older children:
- Stick to a Consistent Schedule
Try to keep bedtime and wake-up time consistent—even on weekends. This supports a healthy circadian rhythm and will teach your child’s body to be ready for sleep. Make sure that it is age appropriate and also takes into account your individual child’s sleep needs. Most school aged children go to bed too late which can actually make them hyperactive.
- Create a Calming Bedtime Routine Built around Connection and Holding Boundaries
Wind-down routines signal to the brain that sleep is coming. A warm bath or reading together all snuggled up helps a child’s body relax. As well, it fosters connection which can help separation anxiety when going down for sleep and for during the night. Avoid phones or any distractions during this time. This time is for you to give your child your undivided attention.
The bedtime routine is also the foundation of how the night will go. Holding strong boundaries around keeping the events of the bedtime routine consistent will already set the tone for when it’s time to go to sleep. Use timers and clear transitions to avoid stalling or negotiating.
- Prioritize Independent Sleep
The biggest myth out there is that human beings or children sleep through the night without waking. We all have small wakings at night where we come out of sleep cycles. If your child learns to confidently fall asleep without your direct presence at bedtime, they will also be able to do this in the middle of the night.
Also, in my experience, children who need their parents in the room to fall asleep almost always take longer for sleep-onset since they want to engage and interact. Tank them up during the evening and bedtime routine with your presence, interaction and love but then work on teaching your child how to fall asleep without you. This can be done with a few different sleep training methods that are tailored and appropriate for older children (not Extinction or the Ferber method).
- Avoid Screen Time before Bed
Turn off TVs, tablets, and phones at least one hour before bed. Blue light from screens can interfere with melatonin production, making it harder to fall asleep.
- Make the Bedroom Environment Conducive to Sleep
Keep your child’s room cool, dark, and quiet. Try to avoid nightlights but if your child really needs one, use red light instead as it’s less stimulating.
What If Sleep Struggles Persist?
If your child regularly has difficulty falling or staying asleep, snores loudly, or seems excessively tired during the day despite a full night of sleep, it’s worth bringing up with your doctor. Sometimes underlying issues like sleep apnea or iron deficiency may need a closer look. Talk to your child’s doctor about testing to see if these issues are affecting your child.
Additionally, working with a certified sleep consultant can be incredibly helpful if parents don’t really know where to start. Sleep training older children takes a multi-step, nuanced approach which involves setting and holding boundaries in a firm but loving way. Traditional methods such as Extinction or Ferber that are used for infants are not effective for toddlers or school aged-children due to where they are at developmentally. It’s about building your child’s confidence slowly with parental support and consistent reinforcement.
I always say, sleep training an older child is bit of a “choose your own adventure” as progress and response are so individual. This is where a tailored approach that can be adjusted based on that individual child can be necessary.
My services offer on-ongoing support to keep moving progress in the right direction and provide accountability to help families implement changes that truly stick. Consistency is the most important factor when we make any changes of habit and it can be uncomfortable at first. When sleep issues begin to feel overwhelming or resistant to change and it is taking two hours for your child to fall asleep, having professional support can make all the difference. Fixing your child’s sleep issues contributes to the overall well-being of the whole family.
Sleep challenges don’t always resolve on their own—but with the right help, they can absolutely be overcome.
Do you have a neurodivergent child struggling with sleep issues? Are you wondering whether sleep training could work for him too? Check out my post on Teresa’s blog about helping my son with ADHD develop a good sleep routine.
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