As parents, we want our kids to be confident and independent. But we also want to have a strong relationship with them. Can we achieve both?
It is possible to empower our children to believe in themselves, to be courageous, and to reach their full potential while having a nurturing and loving relationship with them. The “trick” is to raise them with respect to their unique personalities, encourage them to pursue their dreams, and communicate. Here are some key principles to keep in mind as you help your child grow into a happy, confident adult.
Let Them Participate in Decision-Making
Discipline is important in preparing our children for the world and everything it has in store for them. However, freedom and independence are equally important.
It’s crucial to give the kids the chance to take part in the decisions that affect them. This helps boost their confidence, prepares them for bigger decisions in the future, and makes them more independent.
Depending on your child’s age, one of the ways you can apply this wisdom can be to allow them to choose their outfits. For younger kids, you can make the process a little easier on everyone. Present them with two or three choices of acceptable outfits, and give them the power to choose between them.
Another option is to ask them whether they want to do their homework as soon as they get back from school or in the evening. If you assign your children chores, trying to give them a choice between whether they want to sweep the dining room or unload the dishwasher. My kids often respond better to helping out when I let them choose how to help around the house.
Be Present for the Things Important to Them
While you should give them independence, you also want to be there for them at all times to provide support and advice. Of course, this does not mean spying on them. You want to communicate with them assertively while using positive language, explaining your point of view, showing acceptance, and being considerate.
This style of communication will help you when talking to them about their personal and social issues, as well as school topics. It can also be helpful to be on top of their activities so that you know how to approach them. For example, reading a guide to the ISEB Common Pre-Test or other exams is good for understanding the academic challenges they face.
Express Your Feelings and Encourage Them to Do the Same
When they grow up, children will not remember every “I love you” you’ve said to them. However, they will remember the absence of “I love you’s.”
They need to know how you feel about them every day, no matter their age. Even in times of conflict, you need to make sure they know that you disapprove of their behavior, but not their personality. They need to know that you love them unconditionally. Encourage them to say “I love you back” and to express all of their feelings freely, including anger and sadness, by doing the same on your own part.
“Mistakes Are Portals of Discovery”
James Joyce wrote that “mistakes are portals of discovery,” and he was right. Parents can, naturally, be overprotective of their kids, but the little ones should be allowed to take risks (of course, not the ones that can endanger them in any way).
People learn by making mistakes. We need to do some things wrong to be able to figure out how to do them right. So try to take a deep breath and allow your kids to “fall.” To quote another great man, Alfred Pennyworth, “Why do we fall, sir? So that we can learn to pick ourselves up.”
Spend Time with Them
It can be difficult to find time to spend with your children in this complicated day and age. Most parents have their career to think of; they have bills to pay and multiple other responsibilities. But we all know that time spent with kids is precious.
Try to “sacrifice” another aspect of your life – let your home be messy from time to time, share the parenting load with your spouse, or try to make your work hours more flexible, for example. You can also make house chores fun and do them together. Treasure the little happy moments by turning them into memories. You can do that by taking pictures or by keeping a journal of your relationship.
Build Trust and Appreciation
Every time we laugh at kids or dismiss their opinion or question, we are destroying their confidence little by little. No matter how pointless the questions your children ask are or how senseless their ideas sound, you need to try to listen to them with respect and appreciation and try to give them constructive feedback. This strengthens the sense of trust in your relationship and empowers them to take a stance.
Nurture Curiosity
Children are born curious, and parents need to nurture that every step of the way. This means encouraging them to ask their why’s and opening portals to new worlds to them. Take them to galleries and museums, read books together, expose them to new and unknown things, and whenever you can, travel together.
What ways do you try to empower your kids and strengthen your relationship?
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio from Pexels.
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